Help family and friends help you by talking to them about your cancer diagnosis. They can provide incredible support throughout the challenging times ahead. It is difficult enough to struggle with the reality of having cancer. Ease the pressure by trying some of the suggestions below -- and share your experience of what is what like if you already have.

Talking to family
Talking to your family openly about your illness at the very outset will allow them time to adjust to changes gradually as they happen and be more sympathetic to your changing needs.

Tell your spouse immediately, as he or she can turn out to be the strongest person in your corner.

When talking to your children, it is a good idea to wait until your initial emotions have settled down.

Go ahead and have a good cry. Shout. Just do it when no one else is home -- and then talk to the kids. Some people have a doctor or friend talk to their children when it is simply too difficult to do themselves.

Letting children know you are ill stops them from thinking they are somehow to blame for your changing behavior. Reassure kids of your love and let them know you'll still see them even if you are in the hospital for a while.

Children can almost always sense something is wrong in a family. Not telling them what the problem is can cause them to feel scared and confused, which is ultimately counterproductive.

Once the children know, come up with a plan -- as a family -- to talk to parents, grandparents, and siblings. If they live close enough, it may be best to go visit them and talk about it in person. Some families are closer than others. If talking to a particular brother or aunt will cause more aggravation than good, hold off and wait until the time is right.

Talking to friends
Keeping friends in the loop lets you continue to enjoy companionship while feeling weak or sick, a key component to staying emotionally healthy during treatment. They will no doubt want to know "what's next" -- particularly what treatment you are pursuing and how serious the prognosis is. They will understand if you say you don't know or that you'd rather talk about other things.

Friends will want to be there for you, but may feel unsure about what to do. Tell them exactly how they can help. Make up a list, such as watching the kids, running an errand, or helping to tidy the house. They want to know.

Talking to the boss and co-workers
It is up to you to decide when to talk to your boss. Different office environments call for different levels of disclosure, however, your boss will need to know at some point. When the time comes, ask for a meeting and discuss your options for taking medical leave or altering the workload.

When they find out, co-workers will undoubtedly ask lots of questions. If this feels awkward, ask your boss to let everyone know that you are not up to answering questions for awhile.

The benefit of telling co-workers is that it eases the pressure of trying to pretend everything is "normal." It also helps them understand if there are changes in your mood or performance.

See also

• Where to start
• Adapting to life with cancer
• Emotional impacts
• Staying positive