Someone you love has just been diagnosed with cancer--and you're feeling helpless. You want to do something, but your offers of chicken soup and jello seem pretty partly when measured against The Big C.

Start by realizing that simply being there to listen and offer support will make a huge difference to your loved one. People who don't have to face cancer alone have a better chance of both surviving over the long term and of triumphing over the here-and-now of treatment and recovery.

How to help

• Hit the books. If your friend is overwhelmed, help out by searching for information on standard treatment options and alternative treatments. Learn about ways to control pain. You might even want to offer to help figure out the ins and outs of financial issues for cancer care.

• Accompany your friend or loved one to the doctor. The American Cancer Society recommends people bring a friend or family member along to appointments. It can be hard for someone to pay attention while they're being poked and prodded. Be his or her eyes and ears. Take notes. Ask questions.

• Don't underestimate the power of chicken soup and jello. They may not be able to kill cancer, but hand-delivered, home-cooked, tasty and nutritious meals can do a world of good.

• Take a hike -- with your loved one. Exercise can beat back fatigue, speed recovery, and promote a sense of well-being.

• Be specific. Offer to help with a particular chore, rather than asking if there's 'anything' you can do. Cook a meal, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or shuttle the kids to soccer and school. Every single little bit helps.

Fighting cancer is a team effort. Your loved one can't do this entirely by his or herself, and neither can you. Help to create a strong support network by staying in touch with other friends and family members, sharing information, and giving everyone a chance to do what they can.

Common pitfalls, and how to avoid them
Wondering about what not to do? Follow your heart and these simple guiding thoughts:

• Don't trivialize or discount your loved one's feelings. They may be scared, they may be depressed. Having you there to listen will go a long way toward helping them work through those emotions.

• Don't treat them like a china doll. Take your cues from them on what they can and cannot handle, both physically and emotionally. If they want to laugh at themselves, laugh along with them. If they want to cry, hold them.

• Don't take it personally. It's okay if your friend turns down your offers of help. Your job is to let them know you're there for them; if and when they need you, they'll let you know. Just keep on offering.

• Don't bite off more than you can chew. You may want to help your friend in every way possible, but if you're unable to keep your promises or follow through on your offers, they're going to suffer more than if you hadn't offered at all.

• Just be there. Don't let the fear of losing a loved one keep you from being there because now is when you're needed most.
  

See also

• Other sources of support
• Understanding cancer
• Sharing experiences
• Staying positive