Cancer is always life-threatening. It may happen that we lose our fight with it. This is the time to think about how we would best like to live our final days and what we would like to leave behind us.

Whether we ourselves our facing death or we are supporting someone with cancer who is, the information below will help. Please add to it if your story can help someone else.

Legal issues
Long before we reach the stage of terminal illness, we will get our lawyer to hammer out the following vitally important documents, called “advance directives.”

• Living will. Often referred to as a Do Not Resuscitate Agreement, a living will spells out that we do not want doctors to keep us alive through medical procedures and devices if they’ve determined our illness is terminal. We don’t want our loved ones fighting or making the decision whether to keep us alive.
• Medical power of attorney. This document allows a trusted family member to make all medical decisions for us when we become mentally unable to tell doctors what to do.
• Durable power of attorney. This document allows a trusted family member to make decisions regarding our property, finances and other important matters if we become unable to make those decisions.

Another important document is our regular will, which spells out how our assets will be divided upon our deaths. Otherwise, the state will make the decision -- and a long, legal battle in probate court could ensue.

We also want to tell our loved ones how we want our funeral to be conducted and whether we want to be buried or cremated. Do we want them to spread our ashes over our favorite beach or mountain hideway? Now is the time to tell them.

The signs of impending death
Most of us want to be beside the people we love when they are dying. People who are dying of cancer may have friends and family in other parts of the country who want to know when they should fly in to say goodbye.

The signs of approaching death include:

• Excessive sleepiness and weakness
• Breathing changes
• Visual or hearing changes
• Hallucinations
• Decreased appetite
• Urinary and bowel changes, such as red urine or constipation
• Temperature changes, such as feeling cold one moment and hot the next
• Emotional changes, such as we losing interest in the outside world.

Resources to help
Plenty of community and national resources exist to help us through the difficult time of dealing with the death of a loved one, including:

• Dying well offers real-life experiences and advice on how to care for loved ones who are dying
• Compassionate Friends National Headquarters provides grief support for parents after the loss of a child
• The US Government site for Medicare
  

• The National Funeral Director's Association provides information about planning a funeral
  

See also

• Hospice and home care
• Shared stories
• The memory wall
• Giving back