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Coping with fear and potential loss
A loved one's cancer diagnosis is undoubtedly terrifying. It can evoke huge and difficult emotions in those of us who care for the person in our life who has cancer. We may feel scared, helpless, or angry. We may worry about losing the person we care about to their disease and about we may not know how to deal with that loss.
This constant worry and fear can consume us. It can be further complicated by the guilt of worrying about ourselves when we're the ones who are supposed to be supporting our loved one.
The best way to cope is to squarely deal with these feelings -- for our own good and for the good of the person we care so much about.
This constant worry and fear can consume us. It can be further complicated by the guilt of worrying about ourselves when we're the ones who are supposed to be supporting our loved one.
The best way to cope is to squarely deal with these feelings -- for our own good and for the good of the person we care so much about.
Dealing with fear
Fear is most easily tamed by knowledge and understanding of the disease. Here are a few suggestions for gaining both:
- Know that being scared is normal: Don't feel guilty or weak for being scared. Cancer can be frightening. It may help, however, to keep in mind that these days cancer is not always a death sentence. In many cases, the chances are good that your loved one will be just fine.
- Talk about the fear: Although it is natural to want to protect your loved one from any unnecessary stress, it's also important to keep the lines of communication open. Believe it or not, those people who have cancer worry about how the people they care about are dealing with their diagnosis. If you can't talk to your loved one, find someone else who will understand. Talking about your fears can actually help relieve them.
- Find an outlet: Everyone has a different way of blowing off steam. You might find writing in a journal or taking a brisk walk helpful activities to get your mind off of your own fears. These activities help release tensions and stress and make you better able to support your loved one.
Facing a potential loss
A loved one's imminent -- or potential -- death can be an enormous weight on our shoulders. It is often impossible to imagine our own life without this person in it. Even though it is difficult, realizing that a loss like this is possible helps to better prepare us for whatever the future may bring.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help: We should not be ashamed if we find that we need to talk to a professional. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists are great unbiased resources to which we can express our deepest emotions. There are even support groups for those of us doing the supporting.
- Create a place for memories: Many of us fear that the loss of our loved one will mean the loss of all our treasured memories with that person. Making sure we keep those memories close to us is an extremely important part of dealing with a cancer diagnosis. There are lots of things we can do to memorialize our loved one:
- Create a photo album
- Make a home video
- Write a letter
- Keep a journal
- Tell the rest of us
See also:
- Release our emotions: It's important for us to remember that it is perfectly healthy to cry and be angry. Losing someone to cancer can seem so unfair -- in fact, it is unfair. We don't need to keep our emotions bottled up inside.
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eguy |
Latest page update: made by eguy
, Jul 7 2008, 2:50 PM EDT
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Keyword tags:
4 time cancer survivor
cancer
cancer survivor
Coping with loss
Diagnosis
Emotional impact
multiple cancers
Psychiatrists
Psychologists
Supporting loved ones
Therapists
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| pandagrlblue2 | stay strong | 0 | May 22 2008, 7:15 PM EDT by pandagrlblue2 | ||
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Thread started: May 22 2008, 7:15 PM EDT
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you have to learn to stay strong for those who have survived for yourself and to fight for a cure it is very hard to deal with whayt your going through
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| NORTHEAST | MY SISTER HAS FOUND A LUMP ON HER UPPER OUTER ARM | 0 | Aug 21 2007, 10:06 AM EDT by NORTHEAST | ||
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Thread started: Aug 21 2007, 10:06 AM EDT
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IM SO SCARED FOR HER AND FEEL SO WEAK AND HELPLESS.THE WORST OF IT ALL IM NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW.IM DUE TO GO ON HOLIDAY AND MY SISTER'S WISHES TO MY PARENTS WAS NOT TO TELL ME SO IT WOULD'NT SPOIL MY HOLIDAYS (JUST LIKE HER THINKING OF OTHERS AS USUAL).IM NOT SURE HOW LONG THE LUMP HAS BEEN THERE BUT SHE WENT TO THE DR'S YESTERDAY WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE .THE DR HAS SAID IT DOES'NT LOOK TO TOUCH TO BE ATTACHED WHICH APPARANTLY IS A GOOD THING.BUT ADVISED SHE HAS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHICH THE DR HAS BOOKED HER IN FOR ON THE 10TH SEPT (ALMOST 3 WEEKS).IM REALLY WORRIED INCASE THIS IS TO LONG TO WAIT?I WILL BE BACK BY THEN BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY GOING ON HOLIDAY WHEN REALLY I SHOULD BE HOME GIVING HER SUPPORT.I KNOW SHE HAS HER HUSBAND AND WE ARE VERY LUCKY TO STILL HAVING BOTH PARENTS BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROACH HER AS MY MUM WAS TOLD NOT TO TELL ME BUTMUM WAS IN TEARS THIS MORNING WHEN I PHONED HER UP FOR OUR NORMAL MORNING CHAT.ITS THE UNKNOWING ON WHAT THE LUMP IS.I KNOW ITS NOT BRUISED AND NOT ITCHY NO PAIN AT ALL.MY MUM SAID ITS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A GRAPE AND AS FAR AS WE KNOW SHE HAS NOT KNOCKED HER ARM AND SHE HAS NO PETS.HOWEVER SHE HAS BEEN VERY STRESSED WITH WORK FOR A VERY LONG TIME.MY QUESTION IS HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD A SIMLAR LUMP AND WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME,I NEED TO PREPARE MYSELF TO BE STRONG FOR HER AND MY PARENTS..
MANY THANKS |
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