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Coping with fear and potential loss


Hi, my name is Karen. Have you ever wondered how in the world that one person can survive so much pain and suffering in their life? Well, I would love to share with you how I went from despair to joy. Would you like to find out what it's like from a cancer patients point of view? Our bodies are miraculous!! It's amazing how much abuse, pain, surgery, poking and prodding that a body can endure. Mine has come through 14 different surgeries in just the last 14 years. Walk with me as I share my journey through this incredible ordeal. It has taken a lot of personal development on my part to get me through the trauma. My story could possibly be your story. There are probably many things that we have in common, you just haven't written yours down. I pray that you will have the courage to do so after reading my book. My name is Karen; I am a 44-year-old mother of four, with a marvelous husband, one grandson, and two granddaughters. I started singing when I was 8 years old. God has taken me down many paths since then. At the age of 9, twice a copperhead bit me. At the age of 10, I was in a severe car accident with my family. In the 10th grade, I started working at a rest home as a volunteer. I enjoyed it so much, that I continued through until the 12th grade. I was told that I could not stay there anymore because I was spending too much time with the patients. I sang to them brushed their hair, and rubbed their feet. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I say this to let you know that I have a deep love for my elders. At the age of 25, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a complete Hysterectomy. God wasn’t finished testing me yet. At 32, I was diagnosed with a Vertebral Artery Dissection in the brain. As you can imagine, I often wondered how much a body could take. I trusted in the Lord to take care of me, and he did. In 1997, I started my own business so I could stay home with my children. God blessed the business with an overabundance of joy and financial blessings. I still sang for Gods glory during all of the trails and all of the good times. I learned from reading Gods word and from huge amounts of self-motivational books, that "If it is to be, its up to me!" I decided that it was time for me to give back something of myself to mankind; by helping others feel good about themselves, and to have a positive attitude no matter what the situation. I began doing that through sharing my testimony. In June of 2001, I was once again diagnosed with Cancer. This time of the Colon, I prayed for God to get me through this and once again he delivered me. He wasn’t finished with me yet, so in February 2002, I was diagnosed with Cancer of the Liver. I told God that I would bear the load if only I could touch one person. He allowed me to touch more than one; he has allowed me to touch thousands. Before going into surgery for the Liver Cancer, the doctors told me to get my affairs in order because I probably wouldn’t make it through this time. I told them that they weren’t God, and that he would decide when it was time for me to go. I got through that one with a victorious smile and a lot of pain after 9 hours of surgery and a lot of prayer. With great expectations, I continued to sing Gods praises. Little did I know that he had more in store for me, In June of 2003, I was diagnosed with Rectal Cancer. They told me I would have a permanent colostomy and basically not much of a life. They wanted me to go to counseling, but God wanted me to be the counselor. Have you ever wondered what your family member or friends are going through when they are diagnosed with cancer? Just read the words of my book for encouragement. There is something you can do to help. You can take action now by purchasing my book. I guarantee that you will travel an emotional highway as you live through the experiences with me. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will rejoice with me as you find the answers that you have been searching for. In conclusion, I just want to sing and share my testimony with the world.My prayer is that this book will be a blessing to you and your loved ones. It has been very healing for me to write. I look forward to sharing my whole story with you in the upcoming pages of One Woman’s Story: How I Survived Cervical, Colon, Liver and Rectal Cancer. In His Grip, Karen www.4xcancersurvivor.com fourxsurvivor@yahoo.com



A loved one's cancer diagnosis is undoubtedly terrifying. It can evoke huge and difficult emotions in those of us who care for the person in our life who has cancer. We may feel scared, helpless, or angry. We may worry about losing the person we care about to their disease and about we may not know how to deal with that loss.

This constant worry and fear can consume us. It can be further complicated by the guilt of worrying about ourselves when we're the ones who are supposed to be supporting our loved one.

The best way to cope is to squarely deal with these feelings -- for our own good and for the good of the person we care so much about.


Dealing with fear

Fear is most easily tamed by knowledge and understanding of the disease. Here are a few suggestions for gaining both:

  • Know that being scared is normal: Don't feel guilty or weak for being scared. Cancer can be frightening. It may help, however, to keep in mind that these days cancer is not always a death sentence. In many cases, the chances are good that your loved one will be just fine.

  • Talk about the fear: Although it is natural to want to protect your loved one from any unnecessary stress, it's also important to keep the lines of communication open. Believe it or not, those people who have cancer worry about how the people they care about are dealing with their diagnosis. If you can't talk to your loved one, find someone else who will understand. Talking about your fears can actually help relieve them.

  • Find an outlet: Everyone has a different way of blowing off steam. You might find writing in a journal or taking a brisk walk helpful activities to get your mind off of your own fears. These activities help release tensions and stress and make you better able to support your loved one.

Facing a potential loss

A loved one's imminent -- or potential -- death can be an enormous weight on our shoulders. It is often impossible to imagine our own life without this person in it. Even though it is difficult, realizing that a loss like this is possible helps to better prepare us for whatever the future may bring.


  • Create a place for memories: Many of us fear that the loss of our loved one will mean the loss of all our treasured memories with that person. Making sure we keep those memories close to us is an extremely important part of dealing with a cancer diagnosis. There are lots of things we can do to memorialize our loved one:

    • Create a photo album
    • Make a home video
    • Write a letter
    • Keep a journal
    • Tell the rest of us

  • Release our emotions: It's important for us to remember that it is perfectly healthy to cry and be angry. Losing someone to cancer can seem so unfair -- in fact, it is unfair. We don't need to keep our emotions bottled up inside.

See also:




Latest page update: made by f4xsurvivor , Nov 15 2007, 10:33 PM EST (about this update About This Update f4xsurvivor FOUR TIME CANCER SURVIVOR - f4xsurvivor

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Started By Thread Subject Replies Last Post
NORTHEAST MY SISTER HAS FOUND A LUMP ON HER UPPER OUTER ARM 0 Aug 21 2007, 10:06 AM EDT by NORTHEAST
NORTHEAST
Thread started: Aug 21 2007, 10:06 AM EDT  Watch
IM SO SCARED FOR HER AND FEEL SO WEAK AND HELPLESS.THE WORST OF IT ALL IM NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW.IM DUE TO GO ON HOLIDAY AND MY SISTER'S WISHES TO MY PARENTS WAS NOT TO TELL ME SO IT WOULD'NT SPOIL MY HOLIDAYS (JUST LIKE HER THINKING OF OTHERS AS USUAL).IM NOT SURE HOW LONG THE LUMP HAS BEEN THERE BUT SHE WENT TO THE DR'S YESTERDAY WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE .THE DR HAS SAID IT DOES'NT LOOK TO TOUCH TO BE ATTACHED WHICH APPARANTLY IS A GOOD THING.BUT ADVISED SHE HAS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHICH THE DR HAS BOOKED HER IN FOR ON THE 10TH SEPT (ALMOST 3 WEEKS).IM REALLY WORRIED INCASE THIS IS TO LONG TO WAIT?I WILL BE BACK BY THEN BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY GOING ON HOLIDAY WHEN REALLY I SHOULD BE HOME GIVING HER SUPPORT.I KNOW SHE HAS HER HUSBAND AND WE ARE VERY LUCKY TO STILL HAVING BOTH PARENTS BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROACH HER AS MY MUM WAS TOLD NOT TO TELL ME BUTMUM WAS IN TEARS THIS MORNING WHEN I PHONED HER UP FOR OUR NORMAL MORNING CHAT.ITS THE UNKNOWING ON WHAT THE LUMP IS.I KNOW ITS NOT BRUISED AND NOT ITCHY NO PAIN AT ALL.MY MUM SAID ITS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A GRAPE AND AS FAR AS WE KNOW SHE HAS NOT KNOCKED HER ARM AND SHE HAS NO PETS.HOWEVER SHE HAS BEEN VERY STRESSED WITH WORK FOR A VERY LONG TIME.MY QUESTION IS HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD A SIMLAR LUMP AND WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME,I NEED TO PREPARE MYSELF TO BE STRONG FOR HER AND MY PARENTS..
MANY THANKS
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